Last month I focused on all things relationships, including the one we have with ourselves! In light of it being International Womens Day this week, I thought it was entirely appropriate to discuss a topic that is a big issue for some of us women…Self Worth!
Working in the helping professions, it can be second nature to closely align our sense of self worth to our job title. I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to feel accomplished and like you are helping others. However, I do think that relying on a job title to give you a sense of your worth is a dangerous thing. You will retire one day, after all! Then what?
Things at work don’t always turn out the way we had hoped. We find ourselves up against a system that doesn’t value individuals for their own needs, we work for organisations that are under resourced and under staffed…the list goes on.
So, when we feel like we are hitting our head against a brick wall (metaphorically, of course) we can also be taking a hit to our sense of worth.
If you want to know why it’s best to avoid attaching your self worth to your job, keep reading. I’m also going to discuss what self worth actually means (it’s not the same as self esteem!) and some ways you can start separating your sense of worth from your job title.
My Job equals is not equivalent to my Self Worth
Job titles act as labels that categorise our roles and responsibilities, creating a framework for our sense of purpose and where we fit in society. Holding the label of ‘Social Worker’ or ‘Case worker’ or ‘Counsellor’, etc can be a reminder that we are doing what we can to help other people. It can feel like a stamp of approval, like by having this title or label, we mean something…we are something.
But, what about when you go home at the end of the day and you’re alone, or with a housemate or a partner. Or, a cat, (they usually only care about the snacks) your job role becomes irrelevant. What if something were to happen to you or a loved one and you had to resign from your job unexpectedly, or take on an entirely different job to earn money? What would happen to your sense of self-worth then?
I can tell you, it had a huge impact when I had to quit my job due to my physical health. I felt completely worthless, because I had attributed my self worth directly to my work. But, my body didn’t care – it shut down regardless. I had no choice but to put my health first and let go of who I thought I was as a person.
It reminded me of when my mum retired from 40+ years of Nursing (over a decade ago), it made her feel useless. At the time, I thought to myself – ‘doesn’t she see being a mum as worthy of her energy and time?’. This little thought further impacted my own existing level of low self-worth. Of course my mum would never have intentionally made me feel that way, but it did. I didn’t feel worthy or good enough or just plain ‘enough’. Long story short, your sense of self-worth does not only affect you, it affects others you care about and those that care about you.
A job title is not something that will be part of you forever. Sure, it is ok to feel confident in your job and it can help build self-esteem, but it shouldn’t be the basis of your sense of self worth.
What does Self Worth mean?
Self-worth is the intrinsic value we place upon ourselves. This is independent of external achievements or societal validation. It is an inner acknowledgment of our inherent value and uniqueness as a human being.
Unlike external markers such as career success, physical appearance, or social status, self-worth is grounded in a belief that every individual is inherently valuable, regardless of external circumstances.
Let that simmer for a while!
So, if Self-Worth isn’t about your job title or other roles in your life, what IS it? A few key components of Self-Worth are:
- Inherent Value: The innate value you possess simply by being alive. It recognises that worthiness is not contingent upon external factors or the opinions of others. It is a birth right.
- Uniqueness: Embracing self-worth involves celebrating your individuality. Every person is unique, with a distinct set of qualities, talents, and perspectives.
- Self-Love: Treating yourself with kindness, self-compassion, and understanding, fostering a positive relationship with you, the ‘self’.
It’s like unconditional love, feeling as though you deserve love from others and believe in yourself and your own potential to grow as a person.
As a society, we get Self-Worth and Self-Esteem mixed up a lot. Self Esteem changes dependant on the circumstances. It is based on the following –
- External vs. Internal Validation: Often influenced by external factors, self-esteem relies on accomplishments, social recognition, and external validation.
- Consistency vs. Fluctuation: Self Esteem can fluctuate based on external achievements and societal feedback, making it more vulnerable to external influences.
- Unconditional vs. Conditional: It is often conditional, relying on success, positive feedback, and societal approval to maintain a positive self-image.
Self-Esteem is related to your sense of confidence. We tend to base this on our achievements at work, or goals at home, with our families, etc. For example, you could feel confident and have relatively high self esteem as a manager at work, but you could have a low sense of self worth at the same time.
Ways you can separate your Self Worth from your job title
Now that we have discussed how self-worth and self-esteem are different, let’s talk about ways you can separate your WORTH from your job title. If you want to read more, Very Well Mind have a great article here about the importance of self worth.
1. FOCUS ON PERSONAL GROWTH
Emphasise your individual talents and personal growth rather than comparing yourself solely based on your job title. Have you ever been interested in learning something new like a foreign language or joining a pottery class? How about seeking therapy, writing in a journal, completing a course that you are interested in (that has nothing to do with work).
2. PURSUE YOUR PASSION
What are your values, what lights you up, what excites you in life? Outside of work, what are you passionate about? I challenge you to think of at least two things outside of any one of your roles (this includes being a mum). For example, travelling for fun and to experience different cultures, or growing a vegetable garden to increase organic consumption.
3. SEEK INTERNAL VALIDATION
I know this one sounds hard, but hear me out! When we are able to look inward for validation rather than relying solely on external recognition, we can start recognising our inherent worth. This can be through setting boundaries for yourself, understanding what your self care/love/relationship, etc needs are and doing what you can to have these met.
4. EMBRACE TRANSITIONS
Understand that career paths are dynamic, and job titles can change over time. Embrace transitions as opportunities for growth and learning. Not many people like the word ‘change’ – but we are all changing every day in different ways…let’s just call it ‘transition’.
5. acknowledge that your job is not you, it’s only a job
The role you are employed in at your work what not made for you as an individual. Sure you have the skills and experiences to perform the job well and get paid for it, but it does NOT define you. Same goes with the roles we have in our personal lives, you’re role of mum is not the ONLY part of you. YOU are you, just on your own, regardless of anything else and you deserve safety, love and respect just because you are alive.
Imagine a world where our sense of self worth was based on self-acceptance, authenticity, and the recognition of our intrinsic value as individuals! Imagine how much time we would save giving ourselves a break and not hating ourselves. I have another article which may help if you are wanting to work on your self worth, you can find that here.
If you want to work on this more, I provide supervision, coaching and mentoring. Click here to book in an online session.
